Startled out of a deep sleep
Splitting pain in my brain has awoken me again
I don’t think I can move; my legs are stiff as boards
I must move my brain says. The pain needs movement to start to diminish in my body
As silently as possible, trying not to wake anyone else upstairs I creep my stiff, aching body down the stairs….one agonizing step at a time
Down to the recliner, pop the pills in my mouth and wait for some relief to be able to get a little more rest
Two hours just sitting in the dark alone waiting….waiting for the worst of the pain to go away
Finally able to drift back down to slumber…..only an hour and a half until it is time to get up to get the girls ready for school.
No one knows what goes on while they are all fast asleep in their beds. Only Wrigley knows the truth of my struggle.
The Beast left sometime during the night on Thursday. I awoke on Friday morning in a state of relief. Yay! All I had to deal with was the “normal” head pain and not the Beast with the dagger.
I lived all day Friday and Saturday with no signs of him. This morning, I was still in the clear. Sunday morning, one of my favorite days of the week. I get to go to my place of refuge. The only place filled with people where the angry anxiety monster doesn’t attack. I made it through Sunday School and almost all of worship…….and then
Suddenly without warning! Bam! Just like that, the music started sounding very weird like it was tunneling. Bright colors were flashing across the stage. The pain on the left side of my head was such a severe intensity, at such a rapid rate that the rest of my pain all of a sudden seemed unbearable. Did someone seriously just decide to sneak attack me and jab a dagger in my left eye at church? Yes, that would be the Beast who lives within me dying to attack. He also goes by the common name of chronic migraine.
My oldest daughter was looking at me. I can’t hide from her. She knows. I got a terrible hot flash and was pulling my hair up as she was asking if I needed some water. My body had a rush of nausea and my mouth filled with saliva. Oh no! Not here! Not now! I hoped my weakened body could make it to the bathroom.
With her help, we made it! She had to go get the little one from class. Then, it was the task ahead of driving the 20 miles home. I hate when the Beast attacks away from home! That was the second time this week!
Such a crazy drive home. I’ll never get used to driving with everything blurry and flashing and spotty. We made it only having to pull over once when nausea over took me. The beginnings are always the worst for me. I came home and slept for three hours. The Beast has managed to steal another family day away. He is still with me, but I just have a little better grip on him now.
He is a formidable enemy. I have wrestled with him for 19 years. I still have hope for a cure; some miracle that will kill him forever. Until then, I will rest until he leaves. Enjoy the times he is gone and get ready to fight another battle.