So, this is it!
I have finally out what drives me crazy and what every situation and every person I encounter has in common. I need to give an explanation for everything since I have been sick.
- Shawn- I’m constantly explaining why I can’t accomplish things or how I feel. Every day, all day long I try to put into words this assault on my body.
- Doctors- At every new appointment and with every new doctor or professional, going back through everything from the beginning. Back through my history, my symptoms, for no reasons, for no relief I feel.
- People in Public- The dreaded people and blank stares after the questions and my lame answers. I explain to deaf ears it seems.
Over and over….
Explanation after explanation….
I never have a “normal” conversation anymore it seems. I long for the days of small talk about the salon or how someone wants a change in their hair…or how the kids are doing…anything besides the sickness…the looming doom that is the dark cloud over my entire life.
My week is composed solely of physical therapy, counseling, doctor’s appointments, specialist’s appointments, testing….I long to be back at work…back behind my chair making people look and feel beautiful, talking about the weather, their kids, their remodeling projects, their vacations….focusing on others instead of trying yet again to explain this mysterious illness that came out of nowhere and swept away my life.