31 Days of Gratitude Photo Challenge- Day 11

Outside


When I hear the word outside, my mind automatically goes to me a vision of me hiding in a bush somewhere patiently waiting for my prey. 

Listening to the beauty of nature all around me, becoming one with the outdoors. That is what hunting means to me. 

I have gone out less and less since becoming sick. This season, I’ve only been out twice so far. I can’t sit on the ground for hours like I once used to. I can only deal with sitting in a chair on really low pain days and those don’t come very often for me anymore. 

For this hunter who used to just watch the weather forecast for her hunt, now the state of my body is the biggest issue I have.

Nothing beats those hours spent outdoors, listening and watching nature. 

The beauty of the fall leaves gently turning to winter

The squirrels chasing and playing

The melody of so many birds performing just for me

The feel of the crisp air on my cheeks

And of course the adrenaline rush of the deer that comes into view 

The Great Outdoors

31 Days of Gratitude Photo Challenge- Day 11

Outside


When I hear the word outside, my mind automatically goes to me a vision of me hiding in a bush somewhere patiently waiting for my prey. 

Listening to the beauty of nature all around me, becoming one with the outdoors. That is what hunting means to me. 

I have gone out less and less since becoming sick. This season, I’ve only been out twice so far. I can’t sit on the ground for hours like I once used to. I can only deal with sitting in a chair on really low pain days and those don’t come very often for me anymore. 

For this hunter who used to just watch the weather forecast for her hunt, now the state of my body is the biggest issue I have.

Nothing beats those hours spent outdoors, listening and watching nature. 

The beauty of the fall leaves gently turning to winter

The squirrels chasing and playing

The melody of so many birds performing just for me

The feel of the crisp air on my cheeks

And of course the adrenaline rush of the deer that comes into view 

The Great Outdoors

The Healthiest I Have Been

Hi Everyone!

It has been awhile since I have blogged, but I have been really busy figuring out my body and getting to the point in my life where I can say that I am the healthiest right now that I have ever been in my life up until this point.

On December 28, 2015, I decided to kick my sugar habit for good. I was totally addicted to sugar and it is a scary thing, because sugar is more addicting than cocaine. I went through horrible withdrawl symptoms and came out stronger than ever. Like I always say, I’m not on a diet, I’m striving for a lifestyle that I can life for the rest of my life where I feel comfortable, satisfied, have energy and my main goal has always been that food wouldn’t have control over me anymore.

I can finally say in the past month that I finally for the first time in my life no not think about food 24 hours a day. It used to be a constant battle between me and the “food thoughts.” Throughout high school, I tortured myself to lose weight and suffered anorexia and bulimia. I just plain wouldn’t eat and would lie to people and say I ate earlier or I was planning on eating later. I would also binge on food and then purge due to the guilt. The more people complimented my weight loss the more it encouraged me to lose more. I also started running and without any nourishment, oftentimes, I would almost pass out from exhaustion. It wasn’t a healthy lifestyle by far.

When I became pregnant at 18, I was so excited and used that as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted for 9 months. I gained 85 pounds during my pregnancy and felt utterly defeated after giving birth. I was in such a state of depression, I didn’t care and just continued to eat. It wasn’t after I had my second daughter 3 years later that I really decided that I needed to take the weight off again. She was going to be my last child, so I didn’t have the “excuse” to be overweight anymore.

Yet again, I went back to my tried and true ways to weight lose that had worked for me in the past and I started dropping the pounds quickly. Again, I was applauded for my efforts. I felt good, but at the same time, I was so sick, I had not energy, I was crabby and I thought about nothing else but food 24/7.

I dropped all of the weight within a year and was back to what I was before my first pregnancy, then my world came crashing down. My Daddy died…my rock, the center of my whole universe, my best friend, my everything was gone just like that! The weight started creeping back on.

I was in counseling after my Daddy passed and I finally admitted to my eating disorders. I knew that it was wrong and I couldn’t live like that anymore. I need to be here for my girls. I was never taught proper nutrition and exercise, so I had no idea what I was doing. I tried different things and bounced all over the place from 2006-2015.

Finally, in July of 2015, I was introduced to portion control and clean eating and it has changed my life. I have done so much research since then on my own about how food effects the body and how the body actually works. It is mind blowing. I have also discovered that I am lactose intolerant; it isn’t normal to have belly pain all of the time…go figure..lol

I have lost about 30 pounds, I am toned and I have energy. I ‘m not hungry all day, don’t have crazy cravings, and I don’t think about food all of the time. It is so freeing. I have become a fitness coach to help other people, so they don’t have to go through the same things that I have gone through in order to find peace with food!

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My Love Hate Relationship with Food Part 2

So, on my walk this morning I decided that I better finish up the love part of my relationship with food. I have been putting this off, because I don’t want to think of all the awesome things about food. This will make me want to savor all of those moments today! But I’m not going too. I will count on the Lord to give me strength for my healthy lifestyle today and not fall victim to the food trap.

The start of my love affair with food was when I was about 8 years old. The trigger that set off my unhealthy love of food was my parent’s divorce. It crushed me. Badly. I felt like I had no one to talk to, so I turned to food to make me feel better. Oh the feeling of chocolate melting in your mouth. That is love.

My whole life seemed out of control, so my eating became that way too. For some reason, I thought I felt better after eating bad foods. After the divorce, my stay-at-home mom started to work. That left me very bored all the time! Food kept me company. Sitting on the couch mindlessly crunching on chips while watching TV was how I spent lots of time.

This crazy love of food has followed me my entire life. It is obvious looking back that every time I would be going through a ridiculously crazy time, food was there for me. It didn’t help back in my drug and alcohol days either. I mean you are a superhero in my eyes is you don’t finish off a whole bag of nacho cheese Doritos after getting high.

It wasn’t until I made a commitment to healthy eating that I can now see the triggers of the binges. I am the type of eater that can’t stop at one. If I make a batch of chocolate chip cookies, I could literally eat a dozen no problem. The only way to change anything in your life is to recognize that it needs to be changed and why you are behaving the way that you do.

I’m still learning more and more things about myself. It is so important to study yourself and get to know YOU. I know that sounds crazy, but for years I didn’t know ME at all. I thought I did, but I lied to myself. I pray that each and everyone of you get to know YOU. There may be some things that you don’t like about you, but don’t ignore them…study them..change them…LOVE YOURSELF!