My Food Battle

It just makes no sense! This stupid battle with food that I have! It drives me crazy. I used to battle food in my teenage years in the form of anorexia. All food was the enemy. Food equaled fat to me. 

Then again with the anorexia after my second baby getting ready for a wedding 9 months later. The pressure to be thin was overwhelming. Off and on I battled binge eating and purging and starving myself. 

Finally, I decided that enough was enough and I chose healing. I was the healthiest I had ever been and had the best relationship with food when fibromyalgia hit about 2 years ago. Along for the ride came IBS. Of course I can’t just have a simple form of IBS, I have combination IBS.

I have tried eliminating lactose, gluten, and eating a low FODMAP diet. Nothing helps. I have been gaining weight steadily since March due to med changes and decided a couple months ago to eat a low carb diet. I was doing some research and this helps people with fibro manage pain and lose weight supposedly. My IBS became out of control with so much vegetables. One week I was shitting my pants and the next I couldn’t go at all. I was in complete misery! I did lose 8 pounds though. 

About two weeks ago, I just said the hell with it and started eating what my family eats….bread and all. Guess what? I’ve been having daily “normal” poop! Not to say that all my symptoms are gone. I still have gas and bloating. It sure beats wearing diapers and sitting on the toilet crying for hours in misery. I gained 4 pounds at the doctor yesterday though. 

I throw my hands up! 

The Healthiest I Have Been

Hi Everyone!

It has been awhile since I have blogged, but I have been really busy figuring out my body and getting to the point in my life where I can say that I am the healthiest right now that I have ever been in my life up until this point.

On December 28, 2015, I decided to kick my sugar habit for good. I was totally addicted to sugar and it is a scary thing, because sugar is more addicting than cocaine. I went through horrible withdrawl symptoms and came out stronger than ever. Like I always say, I’m not on a diet, I’m striving for a lifestyle that I can life for the rest of my life where I feel comfortable, satisfied, have energy and my main goal has always been that food wouldn’t have control over me anymore.

I can finally say in the past month that I finally for the first time in my life no not think about food 24 hours a day. It used to be a constant battle between me and the “food thoughts.” Throughout high school, I tortured myself to lose weight and suffered anorexia and bulimia. I just plain wouldn’t eat and would lie to people and say I ate earlier or I was planning on eating later. I would also binge on food and then purge due to the guilt. The more people complimented my weight loss the more it encouraged me to lose more. I also started running and without any nourishment, oftentimes, I would almost pass out from exhaustion. It wasn’t a healthy lifestyle by far.

When I became pregnant at 18, I was so excited and used that as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted for 9 months. I gained 85 pounds during my pregnancy and felt utterly defeated after giving birth. I was in such a state of depression, I didn’t care and just continued to eat. It wasn’t after I had my second daughter 3 years later that I really decided that I needed to take the weight off again. She was going to be my last child, so I didn’t have the “excuse” to be overweight anymore.

Yet again, I went back to my tried and true ways to weight lose that had worked for me in the past and I started dropping the pounds quickly. Again, I was applauded for my efforts. I felt good, but at the same time, I was so sick, I had not energy, I was crabby and I thought about nothing else but food 24/7.

I dropped all of the weight within a year and was back to what I was before my first pregnancy, then my world came crashing down. My Daddy died…my rock, the center of my whole universe, my best friend, my everything was gone just like that! The weight started creeping back on.

I was in counseling after my Daddy passed and I finally admitted to my eating disorders. I knew that it was wrong and I couldn’t live like that anymore. I need to be here for my girls. I was never taught proper nutrition and exercise, so I had no idea what I was doing. I tried different things and bounced all over the place from 2006-2015.

Finally, in July of 2015, I was introduced to portion control and clean eating and it has changed my life. I have done so much research since then on my own about how food effects the body and how the body actually works. It is mind blowing. I have also discovered that I am lactose intolerant; it isn’t normal to have belly pain all of the time…go

I have lost about 30 pounds, I am toned and I have energy. I ‘m not hungry all day, don’t have crazy cravings, and I don’t think about food all of the time. It is so freeing. I have become a fitness coach to help other people, so they don’t have to go through the same things that I have gone through in order to find peace with food!