Teenage Daughters Are Awesome

It has never dawned on me how I have actually helped create two girls that are going to turn into women someday until recently. I know this sounds super crazy, but when you are just going through the motions of life and helping raise children, this just slips your mind.

I’m a super huge baby lover! Everyone will find that out more once I become an aunt next April. I won’t go off on that goose trail for now. 🙂 I also love the “little people” stage. It is such fun parenting children when they listen to your opinion on everything and think that you are the most awesome person in the world. I miss my kids being in that stage of life. They are little sponges and I love to teach. That stage could last forever, but it doesn’t.

Somewhere around 10 years old, something changes. They start to think that they know better than you. The back-talking and eye rolling starts. I thought that I had completely lost my daughter at that stage. I mourned for the younger years back. I questioned what I did wrong to lose our close relationship. I mean everything wasn’t bad, but just so different. Not at all what I had planned for our relationship. I used to be a personal shopper and the one to go to for fashion advice, and then all of a sudden I hear “Mom, that’s not my style” What??? You have your own style now?

Right when I started hoping for a close relationship once adulthood came, it all changed for the better right around 13..Everyone says the teenage years are the worst, but if this is how the teenage years are going to be, I’m in. I’m cool again!!! We talk about stuff that I never thought I would talk about with my daughter. She understands some adult humor..She is actually pretty hilarious herself! We can hang out all day and never run out of stuff to talk about. We are real about school, relationships, faith, life in general!!

My opinions matter again!!! We can share clothes and shoes!!! Don’t get me wrong, we aren’t friends. I am still the mom, but I have my daughter back!!! Right when I’m losing the younger one! At least I know that she won’t be gone for long!!

Teenage daughters are awesome!!!

Why I Decided to Quit Drinking

This is a question that I’m sure many people will ask me, however the question is extremely difficult to answer. First of all, I don’t really know the answer myself. This is strange I know. Sometimes, I just get this sudden thought in my mind and I know that I must change my ways. This may be a guidance from the Holy Spirit or just myself growing into a smarter person.

Once I have the thought, I ponder it for days to decipher reasons that I would not change the way I currently live and the reasons that I should change. After thinking for weeks on this particular thought process, I have come up with only one reason that I would continue to drink despite urging myself not to. The only reason for that would be fear. The fear of being different. The fear of other peoples opinions. The fear of not being able to explain my choice. The straight up fear of not being socially accepted.

You know, it isn’t like I went on a drinking binge and ended up in rehab or anything drastic like that. It was just a thought that manifested into something that I had to do. One reason for this is after telling people my story of drug addiction and continuing recovery, I had a few people ask me why I continue to drink socially then…. Hmmmm… I don’t know :/ I don’t like the person that I am when I drink too much. It opens Satan’s pathway into my thoughts much wider. This is never a good thing.

On my walk this morning, I was also thinking how much better my life is becoming since I made the personal choice to only spend my time and energy on things that have some type of value to me. Personal development, helping others, getting to really know my daughters better, taking time out for my husband, fitness, meal planning, relaxation, yoga, healthy meal planning, and spending time with my dog babies.

After thinking that, I reflected back on my life….If all of the times I spend as “drinking” for an activity was spent on developing myself as a better person, how different things would have been. Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t want to go back. I am thankful that I had all of those life lessons and I made all of the horrible decisions that I made for one reason only….They all formed me into the person I am today. For once in my life I can truly say I LIKE ME! And that is something to be proud of!

So, tomorrow I will be taking all of my alcohol and giving to any of the girls at work that want it. I am not turning into some anti-drinking freak. I just don’t feel like it adds any value to my life…and as for that crazy little word called FEAR…Yep, I just squashed it by outing myself to the world!!!

Rock on all you awesome people! Do something today that adds VALUE to your life!

Good Morning Yoga

Yesterday was my second yoga class, early in the morning on the beach. Beautiful morning I must say. This time, I was so much more relaxed, because I knew what to expect. I had a totally different experience this time around. The first time, I was very focused on how to do the poses and what they were called.

This morning, I already had a base to start at, so I was actually focused more on the movements themselves. My muscles were feeling excellent! I have been weight lifting for about two and a half years, so I thought I knew how all of my muscles feel being used. Boy, was I ever wrong! During yoga, you use your muscles in  different way. I always thought that yoga was mostly stretching. I got home and got in the shower. my body feels like I have an intense workout! Loving this feeling!

I don’t think I noticed it last week, because I was sore and just did a session of cardio right before class. I woke up this morning and I know for sure that yoga strengthens your muscles! I’m heading back for more this morning!

My First Experience with Yoga

So….I went to my very first yoga class tonight and it was held outside in a park. Beautiful weather! Could not have been more perfect. I was super nervous all day, because I was trying something new. I felt as ease once I arrived though. The people there seems really normal and down to earth.

The class started with meditation! Mediation for a girl that has a constant running mind? Are you kidding? Once the music started and the instructor was speaking gently, I couldn’t believe that I was able to completely relax my body and clear my thoughts! It was amazing!

The poses felt wonderful. I have never been that relaxed or my body that stretched out before. I am a yoga fan! Time flew by and I felt at complete peace. My body felt strong and able. Sun salutation, warrior pose, downward dog, pigeon, chair plank…I’m in love!

At the close of the class, we did meditation again. This time laying on our backs facing the sky. I began to meditate, but then I was so filled with peace, I had to talk to God. I opened my eyes and started to talk to Him and was looking at the beautiful tree above my head. The more I thanked Him for His love of me and for all of the wonderful things that He has given me, the more the leaves on the tree softly blew in the wind. It is hard to describe the way the sun was making the leaves look like shimmering gold!

In the stillness, I am there! That is the promise. I learned a valuable lesson tonight! I need to be quiet and still more often to allow Him to work. I am refreshed and renewed! I am officially a Yogi!!! ❤

My Love Hate Relationship with Food Part 2

So, on my walk this morning I decided that I better finish up the love part of my relationship with food. I have been putting this off, because I don’t want to think of all the awesome things about food. This will make me want to savor all of those moments today! But I’m not going too. I will count on the Lord to give me strength for my healthy lifestyle today and not fall victim to the food trap.

The start of my love affair with food was when I was about 8 years old. The trigger that set off my unhealthy love of food was my parent’s divorce. It crushed me. Badly. I felt like I had no one to talk to, so I turned to food to make me feel better. Oh the feeling of chocolate melting in your mouth. That is love.

My whole life seemed out of control, so my eating became that way too. For some reason, I thought I felt better after eating bad foods. After the divorce, my stay-at-home mom started to work. That left me very bored all the time! Food kept me company. Sitting on the couch mindlessly crunching on chips while watching TV was how I spent lots of time.

This crazy love of food has followed me my entire life. It is obvious looking back that every time I would be going through a ridiculously crazy time, food was there for me. It didn’t help back in my drug and alcohol days either. I mean you are a superhero in my eyes is you don’t finish off a whole bag of nacho cheese Doritos after getting high.

It wasn’t until I made a commitment to healthy eating that I can now see the triggers of the binges. I am the type of eater that can’t stop at one. If I make a batch of chocolate chip cookies, I could literally eat a dozen no problem. The only way to change anything in your life is to recognize that it needs to be changed and why you are behaving the way that you do.

I’m still learning more and more things about myself. It is so important to study yourself and get to know YOU. I know that sounds crazy, but for years I didn’t know ME at all. I thought I did, but I lied to myself. I pray that each and everyone of you get to know YOU. There may be some things that you don’t like about you, but don’t ignore them…study them..change them…LOVE YOURSELF!

Lesson Learned

Today was an interesting day. I was at work helping a guest in the salon find a product that she was looking for. We really hit it off, I thought. I informed her that we didn’t carry the product that she was looking for. She was leaving and everything was still good, I said to her “Good luck finding what you are looking for honey.” She spun around and started yelling at me. She said “Don’t call me that! You offended me in this land!” I was standing there in shock! I said back “Sorry if I offended you.”

Obviously, this really hulovert my feelings and I has never experienced anything quite like that before. For one, What does “in this land mean”? I’m so confused. I thought that we had a delightful experience. I was troubled to say the least. After hours of contemplating what any of it meant or why it happened, I came to a conclusion….

I will never know what that meant. I will not stop calling people honey! It is who I am. I actually started feeling sorry for the woman and I want to track her down and talk to her. Maybe she just needs a hug. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to. Who knows what id going on in her life right now. I am not taking offense for what happened. We can only control our own actions, not the actions of others. I will be praying for that nameless lady.

Honey, if you are out there…I care for you and I will be praying for my special “Honey”. We never know what others are going through. We can only pray for them, because God knows.

My Savior

I had the dogs all ready for their walk this morning, until we walked outside…RAIN!!! Boo! So, I sat on the couch with some coffee and started thinking about my life and a verse that I read last night before bed. I can’t get this verse out of my head, because it means so much to me.

I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my song, he has become my salvation. Psalm 118:13-14 NIV

In 2006 my dad died suddenly in a car accident. Now, a little background on my relationship with my dad…He was my everything. My best friend. My mentor. My help in times of need. My protector. So, with his death, my entire world came crashing down around me. I wanted to die. For the first time in my life, I was actually contemplating suicide. God was my enemy. I couldn’t believe that He would take away the most important person in my life. I was so angry at Him.

It wasn’t the first time that God had let me down either. I had a very rocky childhood and I felt like God let all of the bad things happen to me. I would cry myself to sleep pleading with Him to help me and asking Him where He was.

I was in my bedroom about to give up on the world, when I heard a still soft voice telling me that I wasn’t alone. I was loved. God loves me. God wants the best for me. I am His child who He created and He wants to take me into His arms and hold me if only I would let Him. I had this overwhelming peace come about me and I was compelled to dig my ancient Bible out of the closet and start reading.

Every page I flipped to described a God who loves me and cares for me and wants the best for me. How could this be? The God of my childhood was mean and punished me. He left me alone and didn’t care for me! I could never live up to His standards.

Since that day, I have actually gotten to know God on a personal level and know His son Jesus. Jesus is my everything. My best friend. My mentor. My help in times of need. My protector. All of the things that my dad meant to me and more are what Jesus is to me.

Last night while reading that verse, it dawned on me for the first time that I’m the one that changed. God is the same. He always was and always will be God. It is me who changed my attitude and perspective. The God of my childhood and early adult life was still God, but I only focused on the bad parts. I had a hard heart that couldn’t accept Jesus as my Savior. I didn’t believe that anyone could love me that much. He does! It is amazing!

The more I get the know Him, the more He means to me. He died for me on the cross and took all of my sin away. He died for you too and He loves you more than you can imagine. Give him a chance and meet the creator of the world on a personal level. You won’t regret it for a second. cross I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me!

School Shopping and Healthy Eating Killed Today

So, I have confessions to make about my horrible eating today!!! I have really been wanting a coffee for weeks..like a REAL sugary delicious coffee! So, this morning I decided to get a frappe at McDonalds with my free coffee coupon. You see they have a new Oreo flavor and it has literally been like 2+ years since I had a frappe. I thought that was going to be my only treat, but once I start with the sugar, I don’t stop. The girls wanted to go to Old Country Buffet for lunch. I did really good on the food…salad, veggies, and baked fish. Then, I thought I could have one dessert…ended up eating a chocolate chip cookie, a piece of carrot cake, half of a bread pudding with vanilla ice cream, a bite of coconut cream pie, a bite of blueberry cheesecake and half a piece of chocolate cake. Yeah, I felt like crap after that for sure! You would thing that the sugar binge would be complete after that. About 6 hours after the lunch, Mike and I went to El Rio’s for dinner. I just couldn’t help myself and finished off an entire serving of fried ice cream after dinner! Thankfully, I start a CIZE challenge on Monday, because I need accountability and an eating plan that doesn’t include SUGAR!!!! It is my enemy!!!! I have my meals planed for the next two days and I start back on track come Monday. Today was a total miss, but tomorrow is a new day…I will not allow myself to go nuts and try to exercise off all of the calories in the morning. I may take the dogs for a walk, but I will not go to the gym. I made a huge mistake with eating, but at least I got all of the school clothes shopping done and got some amazing deals..and of course the day started with the doe and fawns, so I’m not complaining!

What a Beautiful Start to the Day!

So, today I’m taking my girls school clothes shopping…Pray for me please! Anyways, I wanted to stay in bed for another hour, but I knew that I needed to push myself to get up and take the dogs for a walk. They need exercise and so do I. Well, I am so glad I did! This day is made already and I am ready to start the day with a smile! Have you ever just saw something or felt something that just brought an entire whole body feeling of peace over you? That is what happened to me on our walk. All of a sudden I saw a doe come out of the clearing right by the stream where we walk. She was beautiful. What made it even better was the sun hit the right spot at that moment and lit her up to show off her radiant beauty. I was so overcome with a sense of peace. That would have been enough for me, but God had more to offer. She crossed the road and I started to thank God for the awesome experience, when two fawns came out of the clearing! Seriously! That was the icing on the cake. They were adorable! And to top it all off, the dogs surprisingly didn’t see any of them to ruin the moment! Not only was my walk filled with praise and gratitude, but a new appreciation for those subtle nudges to get me out of bed in the morning! Have a beautiful day and look for the small things to give thanks for!

My Love Hate Relationship With Food

I am on vacation this week, so I have more time than usual to think. This can be a very good thing or a very bad thing. I decided to share my thoughts for the day with all of you. Wondering is anyone else can relate? Not to go into extreme details, but food has been an enemy and friend of mine for as long as I can remember. I will explain why it is my enemy and get into why it is my friend later. While growing up, I was required to eat everything on my plate or go to bed. I didn’t want to go to bed, so I ate all of the extreme portions that were served to me. I also was able to eat all kinds of junk food and snacks whenever I so pleased. Instead of water, my sister and I sucked down Kool-Aid like it was going out of style! I was never taught about healthy food choices or what a person’s diet should look like. Thankfully, I have taken the initiative to learn as an adult and I’m still learning. Because of the way that I grew up, I became severely addicted to carbs and sugar. I was obese by the time I was 10 and picked on and bullied at school and home as a result. This is where food became my friend, but that will be continued. I am a closet eater. When I would be home alone or everyone was asleep, I would sneak jars of peanut butter or anything chocolate and eat it. Of course, I would feel guilty afterwards, which led to a horrible cycle. I still have a hard time being left alone, because all I want to do is eat. At times, the only thing that I can think about is food. If I allow myself to have one of something, I will eat it until it is completely gone. I do not like to have snack foods that I like in the house or chocolate of any kind. I feel bad for my kids sometimes, but it is a constant struggle for me. I must say that I have stopped the cycle with my children. I feel like I have helped them by educated about food and how to make the right choice. One of my biggest accomplishments is raising my children to not have food as an enemy! Does anyone else relate? I love to talk to people that have similar struggles and share ideas on how to cope with this disease. It really is an emotional problem!! This is an awesome article that I read today :http://thoughtcatalog.com/ella-ceron/2013/12/17-reasons-why-food-is-not-the-enemy/