I’m completely heartbroken, pissed off at the world, disappointed beyond belief and just plain deflated. After everything I have been through with my health over the past few years, I finally thought I was looking at a breakthrough yesterday. I had been waiting almost five months to get into this pain clinic and yesterday was the day. Appointment day FINALLY!
So, for anyone that doesn’t know my “story”, here is the short version….I have been dealing with an intense amount of daily pain for over two years. I was finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia this past March. Of course I know that working out and walking does wonders for pain. I hear this all the time from all of my doctors. I wake up everyday with great intentions. As a person, I love to workout. I happen to be stuck in a body that isn’t functioning at a pain level that is allowing me to do even basic yoga at this point or walk on my treadmill without paying for it for days after unfortunately. No one seems to understand my situation apparently and they all just think hat I’m full of excuses or that is how they speak to me and make me feel. To top it all off, I have gained 45 pounds since March due to medication side effects and lack of exercise. I had to finally give up my career of 15 years at the beginning of August due to my health conditions and that was the worst blow yet.
Keeping all of this in mind, I was holding all my eggs in one basket that this pain clinic was holding the golden key to breaking the cycle that is stuck on repeat in my life.
My doctor kept saying that once I go see the pain doctor, things will get better. Let me tell you what happened at the pain doctor…..
He kept saying that I was so young to be having all of these problems. Yep, I know this. I’m 34 years old. I didn’t ask for this shit to come in and take over my life!
He also kept saying that all of my organs are in great health and he wants to keep them that way. Yes, again I know that I’m the picture of health on paper. If I felt like I looked on paper, I wouldn’t have ever been in his office. So, me being so young and in such great health led him to start talking about alternative treatments.
- Physical Therapy- Yes, I just finished 3 times a week for 8 weeks on my neck and no change and I started therapy for my low back/left hip last week
- TENS unit- Let’s get you one for Home. Yes, I have one and use it daily
- Cervical Traction Pump- Let’s get you one for home. Sure, I guess if you think it will help
- Exercise- yoga, walking, swimming. Yes, I try when I can, but my pain is usually too high for yoga and waking and when I do on a rare good day I have to spend 2-3 days in deep recovery.. What about swimming? The chlorine kills my eyes from afar even when I take my girls, so I don’t think that is a good option for me
After going over all of that bullshit and talking about nothing for an hour, he adds a low dose of Cymbalta to everything else I already take. Which, by the way, is another one that has weight gain as a number one side effect.
Then he tells me that his ultimate goal is to decrease my pain by 30% without increasing my fatigue anymore. Are you fucking kidding me????? 30%!!!! Not increasing my fatigue ANYMORE than the outrageous amount that it is right now!!!!! How am I ever going to get back into the workforce like this??? How am I going to be able to live a life???? But, don’t forget, I’ll have healthy organs!!!!!
I guess I’ll just rot on my recliner until I reach the age to where I can get some actual pain relief and not have to worry about my organs anymore!!!